Category Archives: Life lessons

Parenting is hard

Life lessons, Parenting

Parenting is full of love, joy, hilarity and happiness. It’s also hard. This morning was hard. There were words said and tempers on exhibit. But do you know what gets me through when my kids go from this…

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To this…?

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“For we are God’s masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things he planned for us long ago.” ‭Ephesians‬ ‭2‬:‭10‬ NLT

My kids, in their flaws and insecurities and disobedience, are works of God. They are his masterpiece and he created them perfectly in his image. They do not always behave like him, but you know what? Neither do I. This parenting thing is hard. This parenting thing takes grace. For my kids. For me. Especially for me. Because I do not always do the “good things he planned for me long ago” either. I make mistakes and I have to ask for forgiveness. So how do we keep getting out of bed every morning to do this thing? This seemingly impossible thing? Here are a few ideas I constantly remind myself to practice:

Love ’em.
When I ask my kids if they know why I love them so much they say “because I’m yours.” Drop the mic. That’s all it takes. They’re mine and I love them. Nothing they can do will stop me from loving them. We’ve already established I’m not at all like Jesus, but I kinda get the whole unconditional love thing. We sinned against him, we betrayed him, we murdered him, and he still loved us. That’s how I feel about my kids. They can’t earn my love because they already have it.

Discipline ’em.
But just because I love my kids does not mean I excuse poor behavior. I set expectations and boundaries. The scripture’s clear on this, as well. We like to focus on Ephesians 6:1, “Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right.” But keep reading to Ephesians 6:4, “Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.” Or what about in Proverbs 22:6, “Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it.” This behavior thing isn’t just on them. We have a responsibility to train our children well. And that is not exclusive of love. It’s in love. Give yourself some credit. You can do both. Which leads me to my third reminder.

Be a model for ’em.
If I want my child to be kind, I need to show kindness. If I want my child to be compassionate, I should be compassionate. If I want my child to forgive, I need to also forgive. If I want my child to play soccer, I need to get in the backyard and play soccer with him. You get the idea. Our behavior influences our children’s behavior. Which is scary because I don’t always want my kids acting like me! But I’d be naive to think they weren’t watching. So let’s do our best to give them something good to see. And when we lose it, and we will, let’s take responsibility for it and talk about it with our kids. Modeling how to repair a relationship is just as important as having a good relationship. I say “I’m sorry” as much as “I love you”.

Pray for ’em.
And to be able to do all of these things, I have to pray. I need strength to get through the day. I need wisdom on how to parent. I seek this through prayer. I need it for myself. I need it for my kids. They need to hear this from me and know they can take all of their burdens to their creator. I need to remember to take all of my burdens to my creator (and not take it out on my kids – you know what I’m talking about 🙂 )

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Parenting is everything and nothing like I thought it would be. Jessica Thompson with Give Them Grace once said something along the lines of “the salvation of your children does not depend on your parenting skills” and thank God for that, right?!  We can do all we can, the best we can, but our child is still their own person with their own experiences and will make their own decisions. And we will not always approve of these decisions. We absolutely won’t. And that’s hard. Parenting is hard. Our kids will go their own way and we’ll have to let them. And pray for them. And love them. And hope for the best.

What has been your greatest parenting challenge? What has been your greatest parenting joy? Hit me up on Twitter and we’ll chat!

Identity

Identity, Life lessons, Ministry

{Dear God, thank you so much for this kid. Thank you for who she is and who you created her to be. Lord, thank you for gifting us with this precious child. Help us have the wisdom to parent her well, to direct her toward the path you have prepared for her. Lord, I pray these strong characteristics you have instilled in her are used for good. I pray, Father, that she only look to you for validation. That she always know her identity is found in you alone.}

Some version of this is prayed over my children every night. They hear this cry every day of their little lives. If they remember nothing else from me – brush your teeth for two minutes twice a day, deodorant is not optional, the Spurs are the greatest basketball team, pizza is better than chicken soup when sick – they’ll know this. That their identity is in Christ.

That’s it. That’s the ballgame. If your kids walk away from you with that in their back pocket? Winning.

Of course we’re proud of our kids when they reign supreme in the spelling bee or when they make the game-winning shot or when you see them serving in their community. Or sit still for five minutes! Not pick their nose! And you should be. Be their biggest fan! Be your own biggest fan! Celebrate that promotion. Make that engagement Facebook official. Take the new car out for a spin. But do not believe those things make you who you are. They’re things. They’re events. You’re a person. Your child is a person. God created each of us in his image and with specific and marvelous characteristics. And this is so important to remember. Because jobs can go away and tests are forgotten and flunked and relationships fall apart. But you don’t have to fall apart with it. Your identity is bigger than those things! Your identity is in Christ. Nothing is bigger than that.

Y’all, there’s such freedom in this. I am so glad I’m not the sum of my actions. Aren’t you? I’m not the sum of my sins. I mess up. And God’s grace covers me because I am his. So say that prayer right now. For your kid. For yourself. Your identity is in Christ.
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Living word

God is Good, Life lessons, Ministry

I feel God. I’ve experienced God. I live my life for God. But do I hear from God? I love this quotation from Justin Peters:

If you want to hear from God, read your bible.
If you want to hear him audibly,
read it out loud.

So I do. I study and I learn. But I don’t always view the bible as God’s voice.  It can be academic or routine at times. I know it’s life-giving, but I can be dense. So that’s why I love it when God is so unbelievably obvious that even I, in my busy, distracted life, can’t miss it.

Let me tell you a story.

Trey went to his first sleep away camp this winter with our church. He’s grown up in church, understands faith and has accepted Jesus as his savior. Big time moment for us, the best moment a parent can have, but that’s a different story. This story is about him being in third grade, old enough now to attend camp, but still only having the Jesus Storybook as a bible. A great bible, but not a big boy, going-away-to-camp-for-the-first-time bible. So we get him one. He picked out a backpack bible. It’s great, it has a camo cover. He loves it. He loves that Jesus’s words are in red. He loves how thin the pages are. He loves that it’s his. He wrote his name in it. I imagine him holding onto this bible the whole of his life.

But on the first day of getting this bible, he didn’t know what to do with it. So I start to teach him about the bible and its books and authors, explain the table of contents and how to look up scripture. Now let’s be real here. When I say “teach” I mean I’m talking to him about the bible, cooking dinner and helping his sister with homework all at the same time. I don’t want to inflate the moment. It was not a “holy” moment. It was a life moment. And that’s when it happens. He asks me to test him. Give him a scripture to look up. In the busy of that moment, I simply string a name and two numbers together without any conscious thought of what I might be sending him to, or even if that verse existed! I said ahhhhh, Matthew 3:17.

It takes him a minute or two but he finds it. It does exist and do you know what it says? I obviously didn’t, but God did, because I hear my precious boy read out loud:

And a voice from heaven said, “This is my Son, whom I love; with him I am well pleased.”

Y’all. Time stopped. It got quiet. My husband and I look at each other. My daughter puts her pencil down. I think I burn dinner. I hug my boy. In his first bible, in the very first verse he reads, he hears that he is God’s son and he is pleasing. Boom. God speaks. We hear him.

Sure, the verse in context is referring to God’s only Son, Jesus, and the heavens opening up after he emerges from his baptism. But God’s word is living and in that moment he spoke directly to my son. My kid who has been reading through all of Matthew since. My kid who knows, without a doubt, his identity is in Christ and Christ alone. Because he is loved and God is well pleased.

I cried that night. I’m crying now. Because I needed that reminder just as much as my boy. We all need that reminder. So I hope you’ll remember this. And that it will inspire you to open yourself up to all the ways God is speaking to you. His word is alive. And he is well pleased… with you.

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Words matter

Life lessons, Parenting

Words have power. Words can build us up or tear us down. Words move us and inspire us. Words can hurt us but also heal us. Words educate us. And mislead us. With words, we can tell someone what they mean to us. I love words. Words matter.

“Articulate” is one of my favorite words. I appreciate the strong consonant sounds. I also use it a lot in conversation with my nine year old, as in, asking him to do it.

I love that my seven year old still says “lemolade”. I hope she never figures it out.

Words have an emotional connection.

Do you remember the first time someone said “I love you”? Just words, but oh, so much more.

I do not think there are bad words. Some parents may disagree, but please listen to my words on this. I think there are age appropriate words. I think there are words that more intelligently make a point. I think there are words that build us up and those are the important ones. I teach my children to choose their words carefully. To think of the point they want to make and take advantage of our vast vocabulary to best make it. I explain what words are and why they are used. Just recently we had a drive-to-school conversation about how a DAM creates a water reservoir but DAMN is a word that condemns or denounces something or someone. All because of Bruno Mars. I hear the afore mentioned seven year old singing along to Uptown Funk (because who doesn’t?) and thought it best she and her brother understand why singing “I’m too hot, hot damn” at school probably wasn’t the best choice for the day. By explaining why, instead of just saying don’t do it, I was respecting the word and them. Neither have said it since. But one day they might. One day “damn” might be the best word to use in a situation. I want them to know all the words so that they can choose wisely. I trust them. Trust is another great word.

My point is this, use words to teach your children how to use words. Take advantage of Bruno Mars moments. Because words matter.

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IF:Gathering

God is Good, Life lessons, Ministry

I don’t remember how I first heard about IF:Gathering. It was early 2014 and it may have been a friend. It was likely social media. But however it was, I found myself sitting, alone, in front of my computer watching the live stream. Anybody with me? The teaching was on point, the worship moving and the women were simply stunning. Their beauty radiated from within. From God. And still, when buzz started around the 2015 registration, I didn’t make plans to attend. I maybe had a passing “I’ll catch some of that online again if I have time” but it wasn’t real. And then I got an email from Deb.

“Registration for IF is about to open, you wanna go?”

And that’s all it took. Interest and an invitation from a friend and there we were: IF.

I’m so, so very grateful.

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Side note: girls, if you think of a friend, tell them. If you want to do something with a friend, ask them. It means the world.

What is IF? I keep getting that question. It’s really a question itself. IF we believe…? So there’s no one answer. I’m still processing all I experienced but the thoughts that come to mind are:

A gathering place
Honest teaching
A conversation
Worship
Women
Empowerment
Belief
Revival
Ethics
Unity
Inspirational
Too big
Too much
Not enough
A taste of God

Many of my take-aways can be found on Twitter. What can I say? I like to live tweet events. So check it out, but here are some of my favorites:

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So what now? What do we do with this? It’ll be different for each of us, but my prevailing thought is TAKE THIS TO MY PEOPLE. I’m on staff at a church and I want every. single. woman. at Gateway to experience God in this way. So I don’t think I’ll be at IF:Gathering next year. Instead, find me hosting an IF:Local for 2000 of my favorite church ladies.

In the meantime, let’s dig into God’s word. Let’s breathe it in. Live in it. IF was a weekend. A great weekend. But if it’s just that then we dishonor the women who taught us and the God that gave them the words. Let’s take this back to our homes and neighborhoods and churches and grocery stores and schools. Let’s be women of action.

Let us draw near with a true heart in full assurance of faith…
Let us consider how to stir up one another to love and good works…
{Hebrews 10:22-24}